


Perfect for Me

by octavia74



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:08:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octavia74/pseuds/octavia74
Summary: “The first thing you need to know about working here is that Kylo Ren is an asshole.” Rose has just shown Rey to her desk and is now leaning between the cubicle divider between their areas. “He’s the head of finance. It’s not even unprofessional to call him an asshole. Everyone does.”In which Rey finds out her dickhead coworker isn't really a dickhead.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 77
Kudos: 767





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, past suicide attempts, self-harm  
> Please don't read if any of the above are triggers for you. 
> 
> Thank you <3

“The first thing you need to know about working here is that Kylo Ren is an asshole.” Rose has just shown Rey to her desk and is now leaning between the cubicle divider between their areas. “He’s the head of finance. It’s not even unprofessional to call him an asshole. Everyone does.”

“Oh,” is all Rey can say because this is a very odd introduction to the company. 

“That’s his office there,” Rose points to a closed door down the hall. “We usually don’t have to work with him too much, but he does have to approve expense reports and changes in prices, stuff like that.” 

“Is there anything to be done about it?” Rey asks, meaning  _ can’t they get rid of him if everyone hates him? _

“Try to make interactions as short as possible,” Rose replies, not understanding the question. “Tell him what you want; don’t argue if he says no. He’s not about to change his mind. Don’t talk too much around him. He’s not technically our boss, but he does have a lot of sway.” Rey’s confusion and apprehension must have shown on her face because Rose immediately backtracks, “He’s not actually that bad. I’m exaggerating a little, kind of, but other than him, everyone here is super awesome. They’ll love you. It’s a great place to work.” 

“Thanks,” Rey says to her. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Rose replies before disappearing behind the divider. 

This is Rey’s first day at First Order Corp. She has quite a bit of experience in business analytics, and was excited about the opportunity to work for a Fortune 500 company, but this is a weird start.  _ Whatever _ , she tells herself,  _ Rose seems nice enough, and there’s always someone who doesn’t quite mesh. Just be civil, that’ll be good _ . 

Rose turns out to be right about everyone else being nice. Rey's assigned to a project with Rose and two other analysts, Finn and Poe. They are happy to show her the ropes of the company, and invite her to eat lunch with them. Rey’s boss, Ackbar, is very nice, professional, and clearly happy to have her on his team.

Rey doesn’t meet Kylo Ren, or even see him, until the next day, when she’s in the break-room, trying to turn on the coffee machine like an idiot. She knows how to work one of these things, of course, but this one is weird and not working how she thought it would. Of all things, it’s a coffee machine that takes down Rey Niima, Summa Cum Laude graduate of Emory Business School. 

“Need help there?” A low voice asks behind her. It’s slightly mocking, but mostly amused. 

Rey turns to find a tall, broad man, dressed completely in black, his hair falling elegantly to his shoulders. Rey doesn’t know who he is, but really all she can think right now is  _ damn _ , because really,  _ damn _ . 

“I can’t get it to turn on,” Rey says. 

“You have to put water in the back of it,” he tells her, his tone increasingly condescending. “Then hit the power button.”

Rey believed that he was kindly offering assistance at the beginning. She realized how wrong this was now. “Thank you,” she says, still trying to be civil, though she wants to allow her tone to turn as icy as his.

“First day?” he asks abrasively. 

“Second, actually.”

“Who’s assistant are you?”

_ What? _ He thinks she’s a secretary.  _ I’m getting my own coffee _ , she wants to say to him. “I work in analytics.” 

“ _You_ have a college degree?”

Now that’s just uncalled for. Rey can’t help narrowing her eyes at the man, before pulling herself together enough to say, “I do, yes. It’s working now. Thank you for your help.” 

He seems amused with her and doesn’t say anything else. 

“I’m Rey, by the way.”

“Kylo Ren,” he says, smiling in a twisted, harsh way at her. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr Ren,” Rey says, pouring herself some coffee. 

“You can call me Kylo,” he tells her. It would be nice if his voice wasn’t so cold and mocking. 

“Well,” Rey moves towards the exit, “See you around.” 

He doesn’t respond. Rose is right again. That guy is definitely an asshole. 

* * *

“I didn’t think it was possible for Kylo Ren to dislike someone more than he dislikes me,” Poe says at lunch a few weeks later, “But he has something  _ against  _ you, Rey.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve it. I always try to be civil with him,” she replies, staring dejectedly at her sandwich. 

“That’s probably it, honestly,” Finn says. “Everyone is pretty cold back to him. You’re kind of nice to him.”

“I’m not nice to him,” Rey insists. 

“Nicer than I am,” Poe laughs. 

Rose places her hand on Rey’s, “Kill him with kindness, Rey, or whatever you want, but please just kill him.”

Poe and Finn laugh heartily. They leave the break-room and head back to their desk clump. Poe spots the only photo Rey has on her desk, a framed picture of her and four other people, and asks her about it. 

Rey points them out, “That’s Luke. That’s Leia; she’s Luke’s sister. That’s me obviously. That’s Han; he’s married to Leia, and that’s Chewie, his best friend. They basically adopted me when I moved up here after college.” 

“They’re so cute!” Rose says sweetly. “You look so happy in that pic.”

It was true. The picture had been taken after Rey had gotten a promotion at her previous job. Leia’s and Han’s arms were wrapped tightly around her shoulders; everyone was laughing. 

“Thanks,” Rey smiles at her friends. “You guys will have to show me pictures of your families sometime.” 

“OMG for sure,” Rose agrees. “You have to meet my sister, Paige. She’d love you guys.”

They disperse and Rey gets back to work. She’s been procrastinating on turning in her expense reports because, as Poe said, Kylo Ren seems to seethe at her very existence. Finally, she plucks up enough courage, picks up the folder, and heads to Kylo’s office. 

He’s on the phone when she steps into his doorway, but he sees her immediately and shows her one finger signifying  _ just one moment _ . Rey waits and he quickly ends his phone call, looking up at her expectantly, his expression bland and just slightly annoyed. 

“The expense report from the lunch with Maz on Tuesday,” she shows him the folder before handing it to him across his desk. He glances over the pages and initials the bottom, handing it back to her silently. 

“Thank you,” Rey says, waiting for him to say something. 

He just looks at her, his eyebrows slightly raised. Rey slowly turns around and heads back to her desk. 

* * *

Rey’s not a workaholic. Okay she kind of is. She just likes it a lot okay? And she loves Rose, Finn, and Poe, but they can’t hang out all the time, and she can’t drive out to the suburbs to see Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie every night, and she doesn’t know anyone else in the city, so she likes to work to stay busy. She’s at work late on a Wednesday night, finishing up a report that Ackbar wanted the previous day, but was very understanding about Rey needing an extension.

It’s about seven, and Rey thinks she the only one left on the floor, until she hears someone start to scream the f-word over and over again. It’s shocking to say the least, not just because she’s at work and alone, but also because the voice is broken and desperate. 

“Fuck, Fuck, Fuuuckk!” it continues.

Rey gets up almost out of instinct and goes towards it. Someone is in pain, a lot of pain, and she wants to help. She doesn’t even realize that the yelling is coming from Kylo Ren’s office until she is standing in his doorway. His eyes meet hers and widen. He stops yelling. 

“I’m sorry,” Rey stutters. “I just-”

“No, I’m sorry,” Kylo cuts in. “I didn’t know anyone else was here.”

Rey’s mind scatters, trying to figure out what to do. He looks shaken, his eyes red, his hair messed up. She says without thinking, “Are you okay?”

“I- No, I guess I’m not,” he tells her honestly, clenching his hands into fists. “I didn’t know you were here.” 

“I’m finishing up a report,” Rey tells him like he would care. “I didn’t know you were here either. Um,... can I help at all?”

He looks away from her. His face holds an expression Rey never expected to see on it: vulnerability. “I’m…” he whispers and then pauses, seemingly searching for words. Then he continues, “I help out with this program that helps people who have attempted suicide. One of the people I work with, just a kid, he killed himself this afternoon.”

Rey can’t think of anything to say, and she just stands there, staring at him, her mouth slightly open.

“He was doing so well,” Kylo says, crumpling into his chair and putting his head in his hands. 

Rey feels she must say something, but whatever it is, it will be inadequate. “I’m so sorry. That’s so awful. I’m so sorry, Kylo. How old was he?”

“Seventeen. I’ve been working with him since he was fourteen though. Jesus fucking Christ,” he adds the last part in a whisper to himself, splaying his hands on his desk as if trying to ground himself. 

Rey walks forward and sits in one of the chairs facing his desk. She puts her hands over Kylo’s. He looks at her suddenly, an odd expression of surprise and curiosity added to his grief. 

“Why are you nice to me?” he asks her in a whisper. 

Rey doesn’t answer right away, but takes him in. His eyes are red from holding back tears. He’s shaking slightly, his lips quivering. She has the urge to hug him, but thinks that holding his hands is probably enough for him right now. After a few moments she replies, “I never know what’s going on in other peoples’ lives, so I try to be nice to everyone.” 

He gives her a sad smile, “You’re a much better person than I am, Rey.”

She’d not sure how to respond to his, mostly because about ten minutes ago she would have agreed, but now she knows what he does in his free time and that he cares about teenagers in pain, and she isn’t sure anymore. “We’re all trying our best, Kylo,” it sounds so fucking cliche, and she hates it as soon as she says it, but he barely responds. Whoever he is most of the time would have mocked her for it, but this person now, so raw and vulnerable in front of her, he doesn’t think it’s funny. He just thinks it’s true. 

“I know you probably need some space,” Rey says, removing her hands from his, “but if you need anything, I’ll be right out there for a while.”

He nods, looking at his hands. She stands up and is almost out the door when he says, “Rey, could you just not… tell anyone about this?”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Kylo,” she assures him. 

He nods again, and Rey walks back to her desk. She's very surprised when he doesn't leave. _Maybe he doesn't really have anywhere to go_ , she thinks. 

She checks in with him before she leaves for the night. He’s typing quickly at his computer, but stops when he sees her. 

“I’m off,” she says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow. Rey, thanks for… everything.”

She gives him a comforting smile, “You’re welcome, Kylo. Try to get some rest tonight.”

* * *

He’s much nicer to her from then on. Well, no he’s not nice to her. He’s just not an absolute dickhead to her anymore. She has no reason to go into his office for the next week, so she only sees him around the office, surrounded by others. Rose notices the difference and asks Rey if she complained to HR or something. 

The next Tuesday, she needs a price check approved, and so she must, finally, brave his office. She tries to get someone else on the team to do it, but they’ve all noticed that Kylo is backing off on her and think she’s clearly the best one for the job. 

_ Should I ask? _ Rey wonders, as she heads to Kylo’s office. She really wants to know if he’s alright, if the funeral has happened yet. She wants to help him. “ _ You can’t prove your self worth by helping others only and forgetting yourself, _ ” Rey hears one of her many foster parents’ voices in her head. That one had actually been a good one. She'd tried at least. 

He doesn’t see her so she knocks quietly on the door frame. He looks up from whatever he’s reading and his facial expression is unintelligible. She hands him the price check without even saying anything. He looks over it quickly, signs it, and hands it back. Rey hesitates, but she can’t help herself. 

“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” he tells her, seeming surprisingly genuine. 

“How’s his family doing?”

He leans back in his chair and studies her, his expression still unreadable. “They’re…”

_ Devastated, broken, grief stricken, _ Rey fills in. It was a stupid question. She shouldn’t have asked it. She begins to speak into his pause because she doesn’t want him to feel the need to finish that sentence, “I grew up in the foster care system. It has a higher rate of suicide than the, you know, general population. I knew some kids who had tried or did self harm.”  _ Why am I telling him this? How is this helpful??  _

“Did you ever-?” he questions her, and then quickly adds, “I’m sorry, that’s too personal. You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s okay,” Rey says, grateful to not be babbling anymore. “I never did, no.”

Kylo says nothing but continues to study her. 

“The organization you talked about,” Rey continues, “what does it do?”

“They support people with depression. I just go in and spend time with them. The younger kids and teenagers, sometimes I take them out to do stuff. I just try to show them that I care, I guess, that I’m glad they’re alive. They offer other services too, counseling, tutoring, stuff like that.”

“I really like that,” Rey tells him. “Could I help out at all?”

Kylo raises his eyebrows at her, but then turns and searches in his briefcase. “I should have a brochure about it somewhere- yeah here it is.” He hands it to her. 

“The Resistance?” she asks him. 

“Yeah, it’s a weird name, but they do good work.”

“Thanks, I’ll look into it,” and then she leaves. Okay so maybe it was a good thing her team had made her go into his office. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos on Chapter 1. I'm so happy you all are enjoying this. Thank you for reading!

Rey calls The Resistance and finds out they need math tutors, which is right up her alley. The woman at the front desk is so happy to see her, she’s almost bursting with joy as she leads Rey around the center on a Saturday afternoon.

“You have to get a background check if you want to take any of the minors out of the center,” the woman explains, “but you can come in and help out whenever, and obviously if you want to spend time with the older participants outside the center, that’s up to you. This is our homework room,” the woman leads Rey into a bright room full of soft chairs and desks. A few kids are sitting about, leaning over writing or reading. “Many of our participants don’t have good home lives,” the woman explains to Rey in a whisper. “Many of them find it easier to get work done here. We try to provide safe places for them.”

“This is really great,” Rey says to her. She can’t believe places like this exist.

The woman beams at her and leads her over to a boy at one of the desks, “This is Charlie. Charlie, this is Rey. She’s going to help you with your math.”

The woman leaves Rey to sit down next to the boy. 

“Are you good at math?” he asks. 

“Pretty good,” Rey answers. “What type of math are you doing?”

“Trig.”

“Oh shiiii…”

He laughs at her. 

“I mean,” she blushes, “I don’t remember that one as well, but we can do it!"

About an hour later, they have successfully completed all Charlie’s homework problems, with Charlie doing the last few completely independently. More kids have come in now, some of them working together, others sitting alone. Rey’s not sure what to do now that Charlie doesn’t need her anymore. Suddenly, the door to the room opens again and whoever it is is met with a chorus of ‘Ben!’ as almost everyone in the room gets up to greet the newcomer. 

Rey looks up to see Kylo -  _ Kylo Ren _ \- standing in the doorway greeting all kids, a wide smile on his face, eyes twinkling as he calls each of them by their name. She should have expected to see him, but she would never have expected to see him such a big hit. Plus, are they calling him Ben?

He sees her and he’s clearly surprised she’s there. Once all the kids have been greeted and return to their work, he comes over to her and sits on her other side. 

“Wow, you came!”

“I told you I’d look into it, and they needed math tutors.”

“Were you helping Charlie with trig?” he leans around her and gives Charlie a high-five. “That’s usually my job.”

“I’m sure you are much better at it than me,” Rey admits.

“He is,” Charlie says under his breath but audibly. It’s clear he’s joking, smiling widely at Rey. 

“Oy!” she yells, faking being truly offended. 

“Hey, that’s only because I’ve been helping you since the beginning of the semester,” Kylo is laughing. 

Rey spends the rest of her time at the center getting to know the other teenagers. Kylo makes sure to talk to each of them about whatever they’re into, which he knows about, and he remembers things they’ve told him before. He talks about the boy who died with a few of them. It’s clear that these kids were closest to him. It’s always softly, so no one else hears, but Rey does hears him tell one boy that “if you need to talk, ever, you call me, okay? You have my number.” They all call him Ben, even the other volunteers. Rey doesn’t ask because it doesn’t seem like the right time, but she carefully avoids calling him by any name - Kylo or Ben. 

They walk to their cars together and Kylo thanks her for coming to the center. 

“It really seems like a good place,” she tells him, “like it’s doing good.”

“I think so too,” he agrees. 

“Um, so the whole Ben thing?” 

He laughs, “Kylo Ren isn’t my real name. Well, it is now, but it wasn’t. When I started coming here, my name was Ben. I legally changed it in college, but I just never started correcting them here so I stayed Ben.”

“Ben Ren?”

He laughs again, “No, Ren isn't my real last name either.”

“Oh,” then Rey realizes something he said, “You started volunteering here in college?” That meant he’d been volunteering at the center for about ten years.

“No,” he says quietly. “I was a participant when I started coming here. I came back to volunteer a few years ago. It really helped me when I was… there.”

For a moment, Rey can't figure out the right thing to say. The fact that Kylo- and that he told her- they're spinning around in her head. Finally she chokes out, "I'm glad it helped you. Thank you for giving me that brochure."

"You're welcome," Kylo leans against his car and surveys her. "I'm really glad you came. Charlie seemed to really open up to you."

"He's a sweet kid. I'm excited to get to know the others."

"Good. Well, I'll see you Monday then."

"Right, yeah. See you," Rey walks to her car and drives to her apartment. The whole way, she's trying to figure out what is going on. There seems to be a huge difference between Kylo Ren the head of finance and Kylo who's also Ben. She tries to find a spot where they overlap, but so far, besides appearances, they are completely different people. 

* * *

Rose wants to set Rey up on a blind date after Rey tells her its been awhile. She is not too keen on it, but Finn also knows the guy. "Though not very well," he tells her. "I just know what he looks like." Rey decides to do it because it  _ has _ been a while and Han is always teasing her about getting a boyfriend. Great reasons, right? 

She's sitting outside the restaurant on a bench because it's a nice night when she hears, "Rey?" 

She looks up and finds, not the ginger man named Hux she's expecting, but Kylo Ren, out of his business suit and in jeans and a black t-shirt. 

"Kylo," she stands to greet him. 

"What are you doing out here?" he glances over at the restaurant door and her dress and makeup. It's pretty obvious why she's here, but why she's  _ out here _ , that's a different idea. 

"Oh, uh…" she laughs nervously. "Rose - Rose Tico, she set me up on this blind date." She blushes which only adds to her embarrassment, so she blushes even more. "Anyway, what are you doing here?" 

"Just out for a walk," he tells her. His face still has that expressionless frozen quality he wears at work, and Rey tries to imagine that man randomly taking walks around the downtown on a Thursday night but can't. He asks her a question and she has to ask him to repeat it. "I said, what time are you meeting this person?" 

"Well, he was supposed to be here at six, so he's about 40 minutes late."

Kylo raises his eyebrows sympathetically and Rey really doesn’t want him to pity her. 

“It’s okay,” she blurts, “He’s not coming; it’s fine. I’ll just go home.”

He just looks at her for a few seconds and then says, “Do you want to have dinner with me?”

What? What did he just say? There is no way she heard that correctly.

“What?”

“I just mean,” he explains quickly, “You look nice, and there’s no reason- I mean I have to eat somewhere and we’re kind of - uh, friends, or I mean we know each other and…”

Rey cannot believe that Kylo Ren is standing in front of her babbling nervously, talking about having dinner with her, and did he just call them friends? A hint of a blush is creeping up his neck and he’s not making eye contact with her anymore.

“We’re both here,” he’s saying. “If you want, only if you want, of course.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rey replies. 

“Okay, great,” he says and motions for her to go before him into the restaurant. 

“Two,” Rey tells the hostess, and they’re shown to a table. 

"Have you been here before?" Kylo asks Rey like this is completely normal and planned. 

"No," Rey takes his lead, also trying to act normal. "Rose suggested it."

"How long have you lived in the city?" 

"Five years. I moved here after college when I got a job with Jakku Inc."

"Ugh," Kylo's reaction seems unintentional. It's okay. That's exactly how Rey feels. "Sorry, I mean it's uhh, a good company." 

She laughs, "No it's not. It's utter shite."

"So that's why you started working for FOC?" 

Rey mentally translates that into First Order Corp. before replying, "Yeah I started looking for a new job like two weeks after I started with Jakku. It took a while to find one, obviously."

"So did you grow up in Britain?" 

"I was actually born in the US, but my parents were English. We moved back there when I was just a baby, then moved back here when I was nine. My parents died in a car accident when I was ten. All my relatives are in England but since I was a US citizen, I went into foster care." Rey has never minded telling people this; it's her life, it doesn't seem that weird to her. 

"I'm sorry," Kylo looks like he really means it. "That's really rough." 

"That's alright," she wants to turn the conversation over to something else, so after they've ordered their drinks she asks, "What about you? Where did you grow up?" 

"Oh, uhh…" Kylo looks uncomfortable. "My parents live in the suburbs. I'm not close with them though. 

Rey can tell he doesn't want her to ask about it anymore, so she tries a different angle, "where'd you go to college?" 

"I did undergrad at UIC and my master's at the University of Chicago. You?" 

"I went to Emory."

"In Atlanta? That's far." 

Rey tells him about how she ended up in Georgia, and then more relevantly, how she came to Chicago. He tells her about his travels in Asia after his undergrad. It's easy to talk with him, as long as she steers clear of his childhood or family. He laughs with her and teases her, asks her questions about the stories she tells, discusses topics she likes with her. 

"Listen, I want to ask you something, and you don't have to answer, but please don't get mad," she says to him once their dishes are cleared. 

"I promise not to be mad," he smiles at her. 

"Why are you so different at work?" 

"You mean why am I a dickhead to everyone?" 

Rey chuckles, "um, yeah."

"I don't want people to walk all over me, and I don't want to be their friend. It keeps them away and they do what I tell them to."

"I feel like there's a way to do that without… you know."

"I think we've been through similar things Rey, but we reacted oppositely. You decided everyone is fighting their own battles, so you should be nice and help them. I decided I'm fighting my battles so everyone should stay the fuck away from me."

"That's… depressing." 

"Look, I'm just taking care of myself here."

She could hear her foster mom again, " _ You can't take care of everyone else and not take care of yourself. _ " 

"I suppose that makes sense," Rey says. 

"I went through a lot of shit in high school and college. You have to protect yourself. It's why I changed my name. I was in so much pain, I wanted to cut that person out of myself. Cut my family out. I had to change into a person that was stronger, protected themselves better."

"Why did you- your family? I don't understand."

"What do you mean?" 

"I don't understand why someone would walk away from a family who gave a damn about them." 

"My family didn't care about me. They didn't even know about my depression. They didn't give a damn." 

Rey could feel his anger pulsing off of him. He was drumming his fingers on the table absentmindedly, glaring down his water glass. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I guess I thought everyone's parents would be like mine."

"It's okay. I just… I just want you to understand." 

"I do understand. It just seems like you're a nice guy and people at work -" 

"I don't need them to like me. I don't need friends Rey. I go to work, I go to the Resistance center, I go home. That's enough for me."

But Rey thinks he looks sad, as if he's trying to convince himself that his life is enough. 

"Dessert?" the waitress asks them, offering them the dessert menu. 

"No," Kylo replies reflexively. "I mean, unless you want something."

"No, thank you."

"Okay," the waitress smiles. "One check or separate?" 

Kylo says "together" at the same time Rey says "separate". The waitress waits for them to decide. "Separate," Rey insists, and the woman nods and walks away. 

"I can pay," Kylo says. "I asked you. I'm not trying to make this a date or anything I just-" 

"I'd want to spit it if it was a date anyway," Rey tells him. "Really, don't feel like you have to. We're, uh, friends."

Kylo smiles and Rey feels something in her chest twist around. "Yeah, we're friends," he repeats. 

The waitress comes back with their bills and they give her their cards. 

"Did you drive here?" Kylo asks once she's disappeared again. 

"No, I walked. I don't live that far," Rey realizes that, considering he walked here as well, they must live relatively close to each other. 

"Do you want me to walk you home?" 

"Oh, no that's okay."

"Are you sure? It's dark out, and I really don't mind."

Jeez why is he nice? Rey's still not sure how to deal with how different he is around her. 

"Well, I guess that'd be nice."

They get their receipts and head outside. They don't talk anymore but there's something comfortable about being with Kylo, and Rey's not worried about talking. He seems mostly lost in thought, walking next to her with his hands in his pockets. 

When their about halfway there, Rey asks, "Do you prefer Kylo to Ben?" 

He doesn't respond right away, and thinks before answering. "Not really either. I used to hate the name Ben, back when I first changed it. It reminded me of everything that I'd gone through. It still does but it doesn't affect me as much anymore. It's like I can see it but it's only two dimensional. I know that seems weird."

"No, I know what you mean, like it's a picture you can hold at arms length and set down when you're done."

"Yes exactly," Kylo is clearly surprised by her accurate analogy. "So, I don't mind it when the people at the center call me Ben. I suppose I prefer Kylo just 'cause I chose it myself."

"That makes sense."

"I know it's kind of pessimistic, but you have to let the past be the past. Let it die. Kill it if you have to. It was the only way to leave all that shit behind."

"Maybe-" Rey cuts off, thinking she shouldn't continue. He's clearly functional and doesn't want her advice.

"What?"

"No, nevermind. I mean, I went through some shit but I probably don't understand what you went through and I shouldn't pretend I do."

"No, what were you going to say? I promise I won't take it the wrong way."

"I don't even know what I was going to say. You come out of shite like that and you're a different person. I suppose you highlighted that by changing your name."

"Exactly."

"This is me," Rey says when they reach her apartment building door. 

"Alright, well I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks for having dinner with me."

"Thank you too," he pauses and Rey thinks he wants to say something else, but then he just says, "Night, Rey." 

"Good night, Kylo," she sees him walking back down the street as she closes the door behind her. 


	3. Chapter 3

Rey tells Rose that Hux stood her up but she carefully avoids talking about what happened after she realized he wasn’t going to show up. Rose is furious about it, and Finn and Poe agree to "fuck him up" over the weekend. 

"I'm so sorry it didn't go well, Rey!" Rose says at lunch on Friday. "I really thought you guys would like each other."

"It's okay. I really don't think I'm ready for a relationship anyway."

"What are you doing tonight?" Poe asks. "Let's go out!" 

"No I have plans," Rey says, which is true but not in the way they'll think. She actually is planning to stay late and get ahead on a project Ackbar assigned her. 

"How about Saturday?" Poe persists. 

"Really, Rey, I feel so bad," Rose says. "Let me buy you a few drinks."

"Honestly it's okay. I have plans on Saturday too. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We'll go out soon," Finn says. 

Considering how lonely she is, Rey isn't even sure herself why she doesn't want to go out with them, but she's been in a weird mood recently and she really wants to be alone. After Rose says goodbye to her at the end of the day, the next time Rey looks at the time, it's almost 7 o'clock. The floor is dark except for her desk lap and one of the offices down the hall. Realizing it's Kylo's, Rey walks over to see if he's there or if he's just left his light on. He's there, typing furiously at his computer, so doesn't see her. She knocks lightly on his door frame and he looks up. Rey tries to shove down the emotions that bubble up when he looks actually happy to see her.  _ He's your superior _ , she reminds herself. 

"Late night crew," Rey says and he chuckles. "I'm going to order some food, do you want anything?" 

"Sure. What kind of food?" 

"I was thinking Chinese. Is that okay?" 

"Perfect. I'll take anything with noodles and beef."

"Beef and noodles," she gives him a smile, "you got it."

She places the order and goes to the restroom. When she returns, Kylo is standing in front of her desk, staring at it, a weird expression on his face, something between anger and betrayal. 

"Kylo?" Rey asks softly. 

He jumps, turning to look at her, his eyes still slightly glazed over. 

"Is everything alright?" she touches his arm lightly, trying to bring him back to the real world. 

"I'm sorry," he snaps out of it. "I just uhh… kind of zoned out." 

Her hand is still on his bicep. "Are you sure? Are you sure you're alright?" 

"No I'm… fine," he's not looking at her the same way he was before. His face has become more like that of the Kylo Ren who treats everyone like garbage, not the one who was happy to see her. 

Rey wants to know what's wrong but she can't keep asking. "The food will be here in 10." 

"Okay, right. Let me know when it's here," then he turns and goes into his office. 

Rey can't concentrate. She feels like she's just said something obscenely rude to someone and needs to apologize, but she doesn't know what it was. She blinks tears away from her eyes and is so embarrassed that she's tearing up about this that she almost starts crying for real. When the food is delivered, Rey takes his portion to his office feeling like she's walking into her senior year capstone defense. She knocks on his doorway again and when he looks at her, his face is frozen. 

"Here's yours," she hands it to him. 

He takes it silently. 

Rey can't help herself, "Did I do something?" 

"What?" 

"You just seem mad at me and I didn't mean to do anything. If I hurt your feelings or something-" 

"No," Kylo stands up and walks toward her. "No, I'm sorry Rey. I was just in my head. I'm really sorry."

Rey breathes relieved, "I just- I-" She's babbling and can't think of anything real to say. 

"Thank you for getting the food. I forget to eat usually," he smiles at her. 

"You're welcome."

They're just standing there smiling at each other, but it doesn't feel awkward. 

"Well," Rey finally says, "You know where I am."

"Thanks again."

She nods and goes back to her desk feeling much better than she did a few minutes before. 

* * *

Saturday night, she drives out to the suburbs to see Leia, Han, Luke, and Chewie. When Rey moved to the Chicago area, she met Han and Chewie at a car shop one of her coworkers recommended. Han had been so impressed by her knowledge of cars (something she'd picked up from multiple foster fathers), he'd offered her a job. Rey had been gratified, and though she'd turned him down, she'd stayed in contact with Han and his wife Leia. Leia, upon learning that Rey had no family and no friends in the area, had basically adopted her. Her brother, Luke, was a relatively well-known mathematician and loved to discus analytics with Rey. 

The Solo-Organa-(she's not sure of Chewie's last name)-Skywalkers are always happy to hear about her work, her new friends, how she likes the city. Han always teases her about getting a boyfriend. Han and Leia always argue about something and either Luke or Chewie have to break it up. It's funny and comforting. Leia invites Rey for Thanksgiving the next week. Actually, she doesn't invite her, she just tells Rey the plan as if she assumes Rey'll be attending. It makes that tight feeling in Rey's chest that she gets every now and again around them. 

"I have to work until Wednesday evening."

"Well, come out when you get off work," Leia says. 

"On Wednesday?" 

"Of course, and you'll stay until Sunday."

Rey can't reply, she just smiles gratefully. 

* * *

Rey goes to the Resistance center on Sunday to help out with the fundraiser they're running. She manages the bake sale table. Every time she seems Kylo, or anyone with the center, they thank her for being there. Kylo asks her to get dinner afterwards, as friends of course, he says blushing lightly. Rey accepts happily. She likes being around him. It somehow clears her loneliness without making her feel like she needs a nap. 

They go to a Vietnamese place on the northside that Kylo likes. Rey's never had Vietnamese food, so Kylo orders a beef noodle soup for her. It's unlike anything she's ever had before. The conversation is easy. Whatever upset him on Friday either was nothing like he says, or has been forgotten. He drives her back to her apartment but there's some new construction in front of her building so he can't get closer than a few blocks away. 

"Let me park and I'll walk you over," he says, leaning forward in search of a spot. 

"It's probably okay. It's a pretty safe area. I don't want you to have to pay."

"It'll only be a few minutes," he insists, parallel parking, like it's nothing. 

They walk to her apartment quietly. She punches in the code to her building, expecting to say goodbye, but she's surprised when he steps in with her. 

"I'm sorry about Friday," he says. 

"Oh! No, don't worry about it. I'm sorry I got all insecure."

"I saw that picture on your desk. Is that your… family?" 

Rey's very confused as to how that would have upset him. Maybe he's triggered by parents or something. 

"Kind of. They're just a family out in Highland Park. They kind of adopted me when I moved here."

Kylo says nothing, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. Rey steps toward him, touching his arms again. He opens his eyes to look at her, and Rey realizes she much closer to him than she thought she was. His eyes are staring deeply into hers as if trying to find something. He looks sad and broken somehow. He reaches across himself with his right hand and holding hers on his upper arm. Then he's leaning forward and their lips are touching, softly sliding against each other. 

Rey leans against him, his arm which is still reaching across him, is pressing into her chest. His lips are soft and his left hand his holding her lower back. Then he pushes her away from him gently. 

"Rey," he whispers. "I- We can't."

"Because you my superior," Rey fills in softly, even though she's thinking,  _ You kissed me _ . 

He is silent but he's still holding her right hand. He seems unwilling to let go. She slips out of his grasp. "Good night, Kylo."

Emotions are flying across his face, but Rey can't name any of them. He whispers, "Good night, Rey," before pushing open the door and leaving. 

* * *

Rey doesn't have anyone who she can talk to about kissing Kylo Ren. She can't tell Rose because Rose would  _ freak. The. Fuck. Out. _ She can't tell Leia because she'd tease her about having a boyfriend and kissing her boss, even though he's not her boss. Rey considers some of her former friends from her old job, but she hadn't been in touch with them for a long time and they were never close anyway. 

On Monday, Kylo seems to be avoiding her, though no one would notice because he's being his usual unpleasant self. On Tuesday, Rey had to get some expense reports approved and he asks her to go out to drinks with him after work. "To… talk," he says. Rey agrees because she feels alone and kind of helpless. They decide on a quiet neighborhood bar near Rey's apartment so that they can both go home and eat before meeting there later. 

Rey considers getting made up but decides against it, and changes into jeans and a comfortable sweater. She takes off the little makeup she wears to work and doesn't replace it, tying her hair up into three buns down her head, which she does when she's working out or focusing. She makes some scrambled eggs and eats them on toast, trying not to think about the way his body felt against her or what his mouth tasted like. 

He's there when she arrives, sitting at a booth in the back. They exchange simple pleasantries until the waiter comes over. Kylo gets whiskey neat and Rey gets a whiskey sour. They're still not really talking about anything in particular when the waiter brings their drinks. Kylo sips his and then sets it down, tapping the side of his glass absentmindedly. Rey doesn't touch hers but keeps her eyes on Kylo, waiting for him to be the first to talk. 

"I need you to understand," he begins, "that it's not that I don't…" He doesn't finish. 

"I get it," Rey says. 

"You're such a good person, Rey, and I'm still figuring so much stuff out."

"You're a good person too, Kylo."

"I'm not like you. I'm not like your friends."

"My friends?" Rey leans across the table to him, her hands inches from his on his glass. "I can't talk to my friends about this. I can't talk to them about how I feel. This whole time, trying to figure this out, I've never felt more alone."

"You're not alone," he looks at her intensely. There's something in his eyes that makes Rey's heart hurt. She wants to know how to help him but he can't tell her how. 

"Neither are you," she holds out her hand to him and he hesitantly lays his in hers. 

"I'm sorry I made you feel like that," he says quietly. 

"It wasn’t you. It was- I wish you could tell me what's going on in your head."

"So do I. Everything is so tangled up. I wish I - Rey, I wish I knew what side you were on." He stares at his glass, his fingers still lightly resting on hers. 

Rey's confused now, "Side? Side of what?" 

He shakes his head, "That's not what I meant. See what I mean? Tangled."

Rey is thinking that is what he meant. "I'm on your side, Kylo, if you need me to be." 

He slides his hand in hers and the tips of his fingers brush the inside of her wrist. Somehow, this is just as intimate as kissing to Rey. She is thankful for the low lighting as her cheeks flush. "I do need you to be," he whispers, and Rey can't tell if he meant for her to hear it. It doesn't really matter; she did hear it. 

"I'm on your side," she repeats, stronger this time. "You're my friend. I'll always be on your side."

Rey can't figure out how many emotions cross Kylo's face or what they are, but after a moment he squeezes her hand and then lets go, folding his arms in his lap. "Thanks, Rey."

Rey finally begins to drink her drink. They sit there in silence for a while. It's so weird for her that she can be quiet with him and not be uncomfortable. It's relieving. 

The waiter comes back and Kylo pays the bill. Rey is so wrapped up in her head, she doesn't even protest. He walks her back to her building, confident of the way now. 

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Rey asks as they round a corner. 

Kylo huffs, "Nothing."

"Nothing?!" she shouldn't be so surprised. She's spent many Thanksgivings alone, and until this year, she'd only ever stopped by Leia's on the day. This is the first year she has solid plans for the whole Thanksgiving holiday. 

"I'll probably go to the center. The people without families usually organize something and I can help out."

"Well that's a lot better than nothing," Rey insists. 

Kylo just smiles at her. "What are your plans?" 

Rey doesn't want to bring up her friends, as for some reason they upset him, but since he asked, she tells him. "You know that family that's in the picture on my desk? They've invited me Wednesday until Sunday. It's so nice of them. I haven't had a real Thanksgiving since high school, and then I was in a foster home so the food sucked. I'm excited."

He responds nicely, but Rey doesn't miss the new icy sheen to his tone, "That sounds nice. I hope you have fun."

Rey considers, for a fraction of a second, inviting him, telling him Leia would be happy to add him to the table, that he could be her friend and it won't be weird. But she knows that'll make him uncomfortable and even if she could somehow convince him to come, Han would tease them mercilessly about dating. 

"Thank you for walking me home, and buying my drink."

"I'm glad we can still be friends," Kylo says, standing a little back as she unlocks the door. 

"Me too," Rey gives him a smile, and he waves before walking away. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support!
> 
> Things get very steamy in this chapter. Get ready for it. :)

Being with a family for Thanksgiving makes Rey about as joyful as she's ever been. They stay up drinking and talking on Wednesday night after she arrives. On Thanksgiving day, she helps Leia and Chewie cook while Luke and Han reminisce about their Air Force days. They have dinner at 3 o'clock and lay around fat and happy until 7, when they eat pumpkin and apple pie. 

"This has been the perfect Thanksgiving," Rey tells Leia as she helps herself to another slice. 

Leia smiles, but it's a little sad, "It would be perfect if my son was here."

Rey knows she and Han haven't spoken to their son in years, but that's about all she knows. 

"What's his name?" Rey asks her. 

"Ben." 

Rey thinks that's a weird coincidence, but at the same time, Ben is not an uncommon name. 

"I have some pictures of him," Leia is saying, "if you want to look at them. We took them down from around the house because it was too painful. I like to look at them sometimes though."

Rey can tell Leia wants to show their son to her, so she follows Leia into the living room, where she pulls a photo album from the book shelf. 

They sit on the couch together, and start when Ben is just a baby being cradled by either Leia or Han, sometimes Luke or Chewie. Then he's a toddler with a red tricycle or a cup of ice cream. He grows into a little boy with big ears and messy black hair. His legs are very long and he's very skinny and gangly. He still looks like this in high school, too tall and too skinny. Rey doesn't notice that he looks familiar as she thinks it's because she's been watching him grow up over the book. 

"This is the last time we saw him," Leia says, flipping to the last picture. "We visited him his sophomore year of college. After that he wouldn't talk to us."

Rey doesn't respond. She can't. Because the picture shows Leia and Han beaming back at her, and between them, smiling as well, is Kylo Ren.

* * *

Rey lays in bed and tries to untangle everything running through her head. There's Kylo standing in front of her desk, staring at the picture of her wrapped up in the arms of  _ his _ family. In his place, with people who he thinks doesn't care about him obviously caring for  _ her _ . She tries to remember his face when she told him they'd invited her for Thanksgiving, but she had been so worried about him reverting back to the asshole Kylo Ren that she hadn't been looking at him.  _ I wish I knew what side you were on _ . Rey's trying to figure out how Leia wouldn't have noticed if Kylo - or Ben was depressed. She notices if Rey changes her nail color. 

She wants to talk to someone, anyone, about this. She wants to call Kylo but this isn't something you talk about over the phone and she doesn't have his number. They only ever made plans in person at work or at the center. The only person she can think of is Kaydel, her roommate from college who she hasn't spoken to since graduation. She dials her number and it takes a few rings for Kaydel to answer. 

"Rey! Is everything okay?" Considering it's been five years, there's no mystery as to why Kyadel thinks Rey's in trouble. 

"I'm fine, Kay!" Rey insists. "Happy Thanksgiving!" 

Kaydel sounds very relieved, "Happy Thanksgiving to you, girl! How are you doing?" 

"I actually need your help, Kay. I'm in kind of a weird situation… with a guy. I don't have anyone else I can talk to about it."

"Oh well, babe, you know I'm always here for you."

"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch."

"That's okay," Kaydel says sweetly. "You know how we are. We don't have to talk, we're still friends."

"Thanks, Kaydel." Rey tells her everything, about Kylo at work, at the center, about Leia and Han. Kaydel is a good listener, offering little  _ oh _ s and  _ uhuh _ s, but otherwise waiting for her to finish. 

When she does finish, Kaydel remains quiet until Rey asks, "So, what do you think?" 

"I think…" she begins slowly. "I think I'm just as confused as you are."

"I don't even know what to do. Should I tell them I know him?" 

"I don't know if that's a good idea. I feel like we're missing some big piece of this."

"That's exactly how I feel," Rey says. 

"I think you should talk to him first," Kaydel tells her. 

"The next time I'll see him is on Monday and I'll be here until then. I guess I'll just try to pretend that it didn't happen."

"I know that's hard," Kaydel says, "but I think it's for the best."

"I agree with you. I just wish I could get in touch with him sooner."

Kaydel is sympathetic and they talk a bit more about their lives. They promise to stay in touch better and say goodbye. 

* * *

Rey's not sure how she got through the weekend, but somehow no one notices anything different about her. On Monday, Rey knocks on Kylo's door frame and asks him if he can talk. 

"Of course," he says, and Rey tries to ignore that he seems happy about it. "What's up?" 

"No not now, after work. Can you come to my place?" 

A worry-crease appears between his eyebrows. "Uh okay. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine," Rey assures him. "Is 6 okay?" 

"Sure, I'll see you then." 

"Just buzz my apartment at the front door. I'm 304."

Rey can't really focus the rest of the day. She's thankful she got so much work done before the holiday because she can slide through the day without anyone realizing how distracted she is. 

She goes home at 5 and changes out of her business clothes. They didn't talk about eating, but since he's coming over that dinner time, and he said he usually forgets to eat, she makes some pasta and steams some broccoli. He arrives promptly at 6, and Rey buzzes him in. She tries to breath deep and calm herself down once he's in the building, but she's too nervous to tell him she knows. 

He knocks on her door and she opens it, ushering him in. "How was your Thanksgiving?" he asks her. 

Rey can barely breathe but she manages to choke out, "Good, you?" 

"Actually pretty good. We did a little memorial to Corbin, the boy who died a while ago. It was very nice."

"I'm glad. Do you want something to drink? I made some food if you're hungry."

"Oh I didn't realize- I mean-" 

"It's okay if you've eaten already. I just haven't so I made enough for two."

"Uh, yeah okay. That'd be great. I am hungry."

"Good. Wine?" 

"Sure, red?" 

"Definitely."

Rey hands Kylo a plate to fill from the stove and fills two wine glasses. She makes her plate and joins in at the table, sitting across from him. 

"Thanks for cooking," he says, spreading the tomato sauce over his pasta. 

"No problem."

He takes a bite and then says, "What did you want to talk about?" 

Rey's heart races as she tries to push the words out of her mouth, "I know- I mean, I saw a picture of you at-" 

"At my parents'?" Kylo has a sense of forced calmness. He keeps eating as if the conversation is barely interesting to him. 

"Yes. I just- I want you to know…" Rey's throat is constricting and she's having a really hard time speaking. 

"What?" Kylo asks icily. He stops eating and just glares at her. "What do you want me to know?" he sounds angry now. 

"That- that I'm on your side," Rey says. 

Kylo is clearly shocked and says nothing. 

Rey goes on, "I mean, they're clearly different now, and you went through something real, and so I support you." 

"You're on my side?" he asks quietly, as if he can't believe it. 

"I want to understand better, to hear your side. I'm confused about everything, but your my friend so of course I am." 

"When you said," Kylo says, and it seems that it's him who having trouble speaking now, "that they adopted you, I thought it was just a matter of time until you found out, until I lost you."

Rey offers him her hand across the table and he smiles, relieved, and lays his hand on hers. 

"You haven't lost me."

He wraps his hand around hers, holding it tightly. 

"Why do you hate them?" Rey asks. 

"I don't hate them," Kylo responds feelingly. "The truth is, Rey," he takes his hand out of hers, leans back, and runs his hands through his hair, "That they didn't do that wrong by me. My mom worked a lot; my dad was always traveling. Luke and I used to be close but then he went off to work on some research he thought would win the Field Medal. No one really noticed me. I just started to feel so empty. They'd come around every once in a while, and they'd act like nothing was wrong, like we were some happy family, and then they'd leave again and I'd be on my own. I felt so fucked up all the time and I didn't know what to do about it. I started to cut in high school."

Rey reflexively reaches forward and grabs his hand which is laying next to his plate. He lets her and rubs her palm with his thumb. "I'm okay," he reminds her. "I'm not in that pain anymore." 

Rey realizes tears are falling down her face. She wants to take that pain away from him. 

"Do you want to sit on the couch?" he asks her, squeezing her hand. 

Rey nods, trying to pull herself together. They sit next to each other, still holding hands, their legs touching. Rey wants to be closer to him, but she gives him space and he continues telling her his story. 

"I wish, now, that'd I'd reached out to someone then. I planned a few things, never went through with them. I found out about the center in my second year of college, after my roommate found me trying to hang myself."

Rey can't help herself at that and leans forward and presses her face into his neck. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close to him.

"It's okay," he whispers. "I'm okay, Rey."

She leans back and wipes her tears. "I'm sorry about this," she motions to her face. "I just don't want you to be in pain."

"It's okay. It's like you said; it's a picture I can look at from a distance and set down whenever I want."

She nods. 

"The Resistance center helped a lot. I got a lot of support. I didn't feel alone anymore. I started going to therapy. I left that person behind, Ben Solo, who was so lonely and hurt. I moved forward and I liked living again. I still have trouble letting people in. I act like a jerk so that they stay away from me and don't try. But then I met you, and you were so sweet and nice to me even when I treated you like garbage. I wanted to be nice back but you scared me, so I was so cold to you. It makes me sick to think of some of the things I said to you, but then Corbin died and I felt so fucked up again, but there you were. You were so sweet, and you came back and asked about him. Then you were at the center. You're so nice Rey, I just couldn't make myself be a dick to you anymore." He tucks her hair behind her ear, his palm brushing against his cheek. "Then I saw that picture, of you with them. I didn't know what to do; I couldn't understand. I tried to push you away but you were so hurt when I was cold to you and I couldn't do it. I liked you so much, and then I… kissed you."

Rey blushes. "I know this part," she smiles, "but you were my superior so we couldn't."

"No," Kylo laughs at her. "I'm not your superior. I mean, technically I have a higher position than you do, but I'm not in charge of you. We could date if we wanted to," he realizes what he just said, blushes, and rushes on. "I mean that's wasn't the problem. I couldn't get that close to you. I knew I was going to lose you at some point, it just a matter of time. I couldn't let myself."

"You didn't lose me though," Rey says, holding his hand again. 

"No, but I almost just died when you said that you knew who I was."

"Ben Solo," Rey says. "I almost died too."

He touches her face again, his eyes looking deeply into hers. Then they're kissing again, his lips gliding against hers, his hand cupping her cheek, the other one wrapping around her, pulling her closer. 

He breaks away, studying her face again. "Rey," he whispers. "You are far too good for me. You deserve better."

"I want this, Kylo. I know you, and you are perfect. 

"I'm for sure not perfect."

"Perfect for me," and she leans forward and kisses him deeper than before. He pulls her onto his lap so that her knees are on either side of his torso. Her chest is flush with his and her hands are wrapped in his hair, pulling him even closer. He licks her bottom lip with his tongue and she opens her mouth so that their tongues can tangle together. He kisses down her jaw onto her neck and she buries her face in his hair which smells like mint and pine. He makes his way back to her mouth again, and his hands make their way under her sweater, and she moans just a little when he touches her bare skin. 

"Rey?" he asks breathlessly into her mouth. 

Rey knows what he's asking and answers by pulling his sweater off over his head. He follows suit, tugging hers off, and then he kisses her again. Their chests are touching now and he's so warm and strong against her. His hand move down and settle on her ass, pulling her forward so that she is even closer to him and she can feel him getting hard beneath her. 

Rey's barely breathing. His lips are on her, anywhere she is bare: her neck, her collar bone, her breasts. His hands fumble with her bra clasp and he pulls it off. She moans as he takes one of her nipples into his mouth. She's on fire and she wants more heat, more of him. She wants him closer. 

He flips her over so that her back is on the couch and crawls over her. She pulls him to her mouth again. One of her hands is on her breast and the other his fumbling with the button of her jeans. He gets it undone and looks at her, still seeking her go-ahead. 

"Kylo," she says, "please."

He kisses the skin under his bellybutton as he works her jeans down over her hips. He pulls them off and his hand rubs the inside of her thigh. She intakes breath sharply, sits up and undoes his belt buckle, then his jeans button. He stand up next to the couch so that she can push them down and he steps out of them. He's hard beneath his boxers and Rey slides them down to his knees and is barely thinking when she runs her tongue up his length. 

Kylo groans loudly, his finger tangling through her hair. Rey takes him into her mouth as one of her hands grabs his hip as the other one grips him at his base. She bobs up and down, her hand moving with her head, her tongue swirling around his tip. He's moaning continuously, his knees a little wobbly, hanging into her head for support, trying not to  _ fuck _ into her mouth like he wants to. 

He pulls her gently off him and kisses her deeply, leaning down down oddly because of his height. He steps out of his boxers and pulls her panties off. 

"Can I be on top?" Rey asks. She's so turned on. Her nipples are aching, so is that place between her legs which is so wet, she can't wait anymore. 

"Fuck yeah," he says. His pupils are blow wide, his hair completely messed up because of her fingers. 

He sits down and Rey straddles him again, his cock is pressed between their stomachs. She kisses him deeply again. Then she pushes herself up with her legs, reaches behind her and lines his dick up with her center, and slides slowly down on it. He's bigger than she expects, even though she's had him in her mouth, but it feels  _ so good _ . She takes all of him and feels so full. 

He whispers her name, holding her hips tightly as if she's the only thing that's keeping him grounded. She kisses him and then starts rocking slowly back and forth. His breath huffs shallowly against her lips and she kisses his neck and his ears, pressing her chest against his, trying to get even closer. He buries his face in her neck and shoulder, kissing her skin. His hands guide her up so that she can slide back down him, and she lets out a low moan. She keeps moving up and down, her hands on his shoulders to support herself. She's moving faster and faster but it's still not enough. Kylo somehow knows. 

"Can I turn you?" he asks her. 

"Yes." 

He holds her hip and flips her around again so that she's on her back. He pushes into her, and she wraps her legs around his hips. He pulls out and thrusts hard back into her. 

"Oh my God," Rey arches, grabbing his hair and pulling him against her. 

"Is that okay?" he asks, making sure he isn't hurting her. 

"Kylo, please fuck me," Rey moans, gripping his shoulders and rolling her hips for as much movement as she can get. 

He starts to thrust hard into her, fast. Their skin is slapping against each other making filthy sounds. She's moaning almost continually; he feels so good inside her. His hands are so big, one on her hip, the other on her breast. He kisses her, his tongue licking into her mouth, and she moans into him loudly as he  _ fucks _ her harder. 

"Kylo," she moans as he hits a spot inside her that makes lightning flash through her veins. 

He hits it again and again. She digs her fingernails into his shoulders and presses her face into his neck as she comes, suddenly and harder than she ever has. She loses all awareness of where she is or even who she is. All that's real is her and Kylo. He's coming too, hips thrusting randomly and shallowly against her. 

He's draped over her, his head resting on her shoulder, breathing fast. Rey presses her palms into his shoulders and breathes in the sent of his hair. He hums softly into her skin and rubs her waist with his hands that can almost wrap all the way around it easily. They lay that way for what feels like hours, but when Kylo moves away, Rey still wants more, whining softly at the loss of him against her. 

"We didn't use a condom," he tells her softly, sitting and pulling her up into his lap. 

Rey can feel his hot come inside her. It's dripping out of her onto his lap. She wonders if he likes it. "I'm on the pill, and I'm clean as far as I know."

"Me too, but to be safe we should use one next time."

"Next time," Rey repeats and kisses him gently. 

"If you want."

"I do want to." 

"Me too," he smiles brightly.

"Do you want to eat? We didn't eat much."

"I am hungry, but I don't want to let go of you."

"Hmm" Rey presses her face into his cheek. "Will you stay here tonight?" 

"Yes," he kisses her lightly on the temple. "I'll have to run over to my place in the morning for clothes."

They reheat the food, eat and finish their wine. They do it all naked, and because her apartment isn't that warm, they have to stay pressed up against each other, which neither of them complain about. They talk about anything: his parents, work, the center, Harry Potter, Asia. Then they go to bed, Rey wrapped up in his arms as they have sex again, soft and slow. 

She wakes up and can feel him against her. She loves having him in her bed. She kisses his jaw and cheeks to wake him up and he smiles at her drowsily. 

"Good morning," she whispers. 

"Please, dear God, let me wake up this way every morning," he runs his hand up her back, from her butt to her neck. 

She chuckles lightly at him and kisses him on the lips. "I don't want to get out of bed," she says. 

"Mmm, I know, but I have to go to my place before work."

"Ugh,work."

They pull themselves from Rey's bed, and she makes him coffee before he leaves to get some clothes that he didn't wear the day before. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the duplication of Ch 4. Hopefully this fixes that :)  
> Thanks for everyone's love!

Kylo stops by her desk before lunch with a packet of HR forms. They've decided to let FOC know about their relationship in case anything happens. Neither of them want to lose their jobs. 

"Just fill them out and drop them off. The lady says she should have them approved by the end of the day."

Rey still has to get Ackbar to approve it, but she knows he'll keep it quiet. Both she and Kylo think it's a good idea to keep their relationship secret for a while. Rose pops up over the divider after Kylo walks away. 

"What was that about?" she hisses. "I've never heard him be that polite to anyone!" 

Rey waves her away, "nothing."

Over the next week, they stay separate at work but sleep tangled together every night. Rey can't get over how good he feels inside her; between her legs and in her mouth. She loves talking with him and teasing him. They go to center together and tell them they're dating, which causes everyone to freak out with happiness and one of the founders wants to throw them a party.

Kylo thinks Rey’s a chef because she can roast asparagus and cook fish. “My foster parents were busy a lot,” Rey tells him. “I got tired of boxed mac’n’cheese and taught myself to cook. Actually, I had this one foster father in high school, he was a real wanker. He got so angry if he came home from work and dinner wasn’t cooking. He used to slap his wife right in front of us. I started sauteing onions and garlic at 5 so that the house smelled good when he arrived, even if that wasn’t what we were eating.”

Kylo very clearly does not think this is funny at all. His eyebrows knit together and he asks roughly, “Did he ever hit you?”

“No,” Rey tells him. “He did raise his hand at this other girl who was living with us. She was only twelve. I was chopping onions with a chef’s knife at the time and I pointed it right at his heart and said, ‘you touch one hair on her head, I’ll kill you. I’m a minor, I don’t care. I’ll get out of juvee when I’m eighteen and you’ll be dead.’ He didn’t come near any of us after that. I didn’t even know if that was true, about getting out when I was eighteen. I just gambled that he was a fucking coward, which of course he was.”

“Jesus,” Kylo says. He looks ready to murder the man himself. 

He is covered in scars. There are the straight little white lines that cover his thighs that make Rey want to hug him tightly whenever she thinks about them. There are others too, on his arms, back, and chest that he tells her are from boxing as a child. Rey only partially believes him. He drops little hints that he was in some sort of fight club in high school and college. They discuss his family a little. Rey tries to convince him that talking to them would be good for him. 

"I think it would be good for you to tell them how you feel, how they hurt you. I don't think they know."

"Don't you realize, Rey, that that makes me the most mad? That they don't even know!" 

"Believe me, Ky, I get that, but I think it'd be good  _ for you _ to tell them, to get it off your chest."

"It's not on my chest, Rey."

She raises her eyebrows at him unbelievably. 

"Really, I don't need to talk about it."

Rey drops it, but then Leia invites her to Christmas the same way she invited Rey to Thanksgiving, by just telling her the plan and assuming she'll come. Rey feels so conflicted about the position she’s found herself in. On one side, Leia and Han have been so supportive of her, just some random girl, but on the other side, they seriously hurt Kylo and she has a lot of feelings for him. She’s there for him, always, but she also thinks it’s a good idea for him to speak with them. 

She tries again to convince him, “I really think it would be cathartic for you to talk with your parents.”

“Cathartic?” Kylo repeats. They’re making lasagna in his kitchen. Rey’s wearing a black apron, but Kylo isn’t wearing one, even though Rey brought one for him. 

“I know you’ve convinced yourself that it’s in the past, that you’re a different person, but I don’t think that’s true, and I think talking to them would help you put all that happened in the past.”

“You sound like my therapist.”

“Well, your therapist sounds like a smart lady.”

“He’s a guy, but yeah.”

“So, he wants you to tell them?” Rey asks. 

“He also thinks it would… give me closure.”

“I agree.”

“Oh, well if you agree,” Kylo says bitterly, sounding much like his old self. 

“I’m on your side, honey,” Rey uses her nickname for him to bring him back from bitterness. “I really only want what’s best for you.”

Kylo sighs, “I’ve thought about it… It’s just so- I don’t know.”

“I don’t have to be there if you don’t want me to.”   
“Rey, if I’m going to do this, then you are for sure going to be there.”

“So you’ll do it?”

“I’ll consider it more seriously.”

Rey lets that be enough for the time being. 

* * *

Meanwhile, things at work are getting more complicated. Kylo has started, well not being nice to people, but at least treating them like human beings. He’s also very nice to Rey, even smiling at her in passing, which does not go unnoticed. In a staff meeting, he actually winks at her when he thinks no one is looking. Rose sees it and asks Rey about it.

“Did Kylo Ren  _ wink  _ at you during the meeting today?” she sounds absolutely astounded. Finn and Poe pop their heads above their dividers to see the two women. 

“What?” Rey tries to hide her blush, “No, his face probably just spasmed or something.”

“Seriously,” Poe says, “he went from hating your guts to liking you more than anyone else.”

“It’s the talk of the department,” Rose whispers. “Everyone says you guys are … boning or something.”

“WHAT?” Rey is almost shouting. The others shush her. She continues in a whisper, “that’s what people are saying?”

“Seriously Rey, have you seen the way he looks at you?” Finn asks. “It’s like you’re the sunrise above the ocean on a beautiful spring morning.”

Rey can’t hold in her blush, “I don’t… know what to say.”

“Has he said anything to you?” Poe asks. 

“No,” Rey lies.

“He has a major crush on you,” Rose insists. 

Rey just shakes her head and the others disappear, apparently satisfied that she and Kylo aren’t ‘boning’. Rey becomes deeply red any time she thinks about that word. 

“I like winking at you,” Kylo says smiling, when Rey tells him about the gossip. “Plus, who cares what those losers say?”

“‘Those losers’ are my friends, and I just had to lie right to their faces.” Rey is cooking in his kitchen again, standing at the stove. Kylo is leaning against the counter behind her.   
“We can tell them, if you want, but it’s going to be a lot worse for you than it is for me. You’re beautiful and sweet. I’m a total asshole.”

Rey rolls her eyes, “They’ll like you once they know you like I do.”

“I don’t want them to know me like you do,” Kylo says softly. He presses himself against her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and brushing his lips against her ear.

“I’m not saying you have to bare all with them,” Rey says, turning her head a little so that her face is pressed against his neck. “But they’ll realize you’re a nice guy, just like I did.”

“Hmm,” is all he says. 

“Have you thought at all about- you know?” she asks tentatively. 

“I have,” he replies vaguely. 

Rey raises her eyebrows at him and rubs his hands, which are resting just below her breasts, with her free hand. 

He sighs, “I guess I will.”

Rey can’t contain her happiness, turning around and snaking her arms around his neck, “You will?”

“For you,” he insists. “They obviously care about you, so I’ll try to figure this out so that it’s not weird for you to be with me.”

“Kylo,” Rey says, pressing her lips against his cheek, “please don’t do it for me. I don’t need you to do it for me. It’s not weird for me. I want you to do this for you.”

“If it wasn’t for you, Rey,” he presses his forehead against hers, “I’d still be a self-loathing asshole who takes out his pain on his coworkers and spends all his free time alone.”

“But now,” Rey insists, “you are a mature man who is willing to take steps to heal the past.”

“Mm hmm,” he hums against her temple. “I  _ do  _ want to leave this all behind. You’re right that I haven’t let it go all the way yet.”

“Exactly,” Rey says. “I really think you’ll feel better once you talk to them.”

“Better than this? Than having you in my arms? I doubt it.”

Rey chuckles and kisses him chastely on the lips, “You’re so sweet to me, honey.”

“That’s because I lov- like you a lot.”

Rey pulls out of his arms and stares into his eyes, a little startled.

Kylo’s eyes widen and he hastens to explain himself, “I mean- It’s just too early for me to say that.”

“If that’s how you feel, then it’s not too early, Ky.”

He closes his eyes and takes a breath before saying, “I do love you Rey, and I know we’ve only been together like a week and that’s really fast, so you don’t have to say anything-”

Rey cuts him off by kissing him. When she pulls away, he glazes a little dazedly into her eyes. “I love you too, Kylo.”

He pulls her close to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her and burying his face into her neck, kissing her sensitive skin there. Rey chuckles and then whispers into his ear, “I have to finish cooking dinner, hon.”

“Fuck dinner,” Kylo almost growls at her. “I love you and I want to make out with you.”

“That all?” Rey asks coyly. 

“Hmm, no,” Kylo pretends to ponder the question. “That is not all.”

Rey reaches behind her and turns the burners off, the food only half cooked. She raises her eyebrows at him, “No?” She can’t contain her smile as he fakes being unsure. 

“No,” he decides, and lifts her up with both hands on her butt. She laughs as she wraps her legs around his waist, trying to support herself as she presses her cheek against his. “That’s not all at all,” he says into her ear, carrying her to his bedroom.

“What will you do with me?” Rey asks, her fingers tangling in his hair. 

“Rey,” his voice is low and needy now. Rey closes her eyes and lets her chest press flush against his. He continues, “I’m going to show you how much I love you.” He sets her down gently on the bed and looms above her, starting to pull her clothes off. 

Rey can’t think of anything else witty to say when he buries his face between her breasts, gripping both of them with either hand. She has too much to worry about with saying upright as he kneels between her knees and sucks and kisses and bites her sensitive flesh. She keeps one hand in his hair for balance and sends the other beneath his shirt to touch the tight muscles of his back that ripple as he moves against her. 

“Fuck, Kylo,” she moans as he, removing her bra, sucks one of her nipples into his mouth. He lets go of her and pulls his shirt off over his head, then stands and pushes off his pants. He’s already hard, straining against his boxers, but he doesn’t remove them. Instead he unbuckles Rey’s jeans and takes them and her panties off in one motion. He kneels between her legs again, his hands pushing softly against her chest, making her lay back on his bed. She opens her knees for him and he licks between her legs. 

She gasps at the contact, hands twisting into his sheets. “Kylo,” she whispers. 

“You’re so wet, Rey,” he says, rubbing her inner thigh with his hand. “Is that for me?”

Rey can hardly hold together a logical thought, she’s so hot with need for more, more friction down there, more of his tongue against her, but she manages to choke out, “Yes, for you, only for you.”

“I’m going to make you feel good, baby. I want to show you-” he doesn’t finish but licks her again, and she moans loudly as he tongues her clit, sending shockwaves through her. She arches into his face, one hand grabbing the back of his head, using all her self control not to just push him to where she needs him. 

Kylo gets the message and gets down to business, sucking her and licking into her hole, causing her to writhe and make truly embarrassing sounds that go straight to his dick, turning furiously red against the elastic band of his underwear. He palms himself, trying to stay in control, as his tongue hits that place inside her that he knows will get her there. He licks it over and over again as she falls to pieces above him, coming uncontrolably, calling his name over and over again in an incoherent stream. 

Her breathing is still fast and her eyes are shut tightly. Kylo stands quickly and drops his boxers, finally freeing his erection. He picks up Rey’s ankles and holds them to his shoulder with one hand as he lines himself up with her with the other. Rey mewls softly as he pushes into her, and he has to grip the base of his cock for a second to stop himself from coming just from this. 

Rey opens her eyes and looks into his desperately, “please, Kylo.”

“I know, baby,” he says to her. “I just need a second. You’re so fucking sexy.”

Rey picks up one of her legs and puts it on his other shoulder so that she’s completely laid out beneath him. He grabs her ankle with his other hand so that he has a hold of both of them, trying to ground himself before pushing into her quickly until his bottoms out, filling her completely. Rey makes a throaty, needy sound, and Kylo leans down to her, folding her in half, her ankles still against his shoulders, and kisses her deeply. He puts his hands down on either side of her head to support himself, and Rey grips his shoulders.

Then he starts to thrust into her, hard, the way he knows she likes it. His groans mix with hers, the sound of their skin hitting mixes in, making what sounds like music to him. She’s so tight around him, so hot. She watches him fuck her and he can feel pressure building in his abdomen, but he wants her to come again before he lets himself go. 

He stands up and grips her hips with his hands, using this to pull her against him as he thrusts into her. Rey is completely gone, one of her hands twisted in the sheets, the other gripping her own breast. She arches so far her forehead almost touches the sheets on her back as she comes violetnly, the pleasure rolling down her body, her pussy clenching around Kylo’s cock. Her moan comes from deep within her and Kylo can’t hold himself back anymore, coming just as intensely inside her.

It takes a while before he has enough of his wits about him to pull out of her. His breathing is still shallow when he lifts her up so that she’s laying on the bed normally, then he climbs up next to her, pulling her against him and wrapping his arms around her body. 

She snuggles into him, still a little foggy from her orgasm. She presses her face into his neck and rests her hand on his chest. Kylo still can’t believe that she’s here, that she’s his. She’s so perfect and wonderful against him. He tries to figure out when he started loving her, and he comes up with when she was struggling with the coffee maker that day, her face scrunched up in frustration so cutely. He’d been so taken with her, he’d said something shitty that he can’t even recall. 

“Mmm,” Rey hums into his throat. “I’m hungry,” she mumbles. “We have to stop having sex before dinner.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoys the last chapter of this story! <3 <3 <3

Rey gets Leia to invite her to dinner the following Friday. She wants to warn them that she’s coming with Kylo, but he insists she says nothing. 

“They’ll refuse to let you bring me,” he insists. 

“They will not,” Rey refutes. “They are going to be so happy to see you.” 

He just huffs in response. They decide that they’ll tell Rey’s friends after everything is straightened out with his family. “Which will be in about a hundred years,” Kylo says bitterly. Rey just rolls her eyes at him. 

As they get closer and closer to the place he grew up, Rey can feel him become more and more tense. 

“It’s going to be okay,” she says, holding his hand as she drives.

He says nothing but keeps his eyes closed and presses his head back against his head rest. He looks like he might hurl. 

“Just remember, I’m with you no matter what.”

“I have no idea what I did to deserve you,” Kylo whispers. 

“Kylo, are you serious? You help suicidal teens in your free time. You are a good person.”

He just sighs and whispers, “Rey.”

They pull up to his childhood home, and he just stares at the front of it. Rey thinks for a moment he’s about to say, ‘I can’t do this. We need to go’ when instead he says, “Alright, let’s do this.”

She squeezes his hand one last time and gets out of the car. They walk to the door hand-in-hand. Kylo is still holding on to her as if she’s the only light in darkness. 

They reach the door and Rey checks in with him, “Honey, this is it. You okay?”

“Yup,” he says, which is clearly a lie. 

Rey takes a breath and knocks. Leia opens the door, looking very happy to see her.

“Re-” she breaks off almost at once, catching sight of Kylo standing next to Rey. Her breath stops in her throat and her mouth falls open. She is frozen, her hand still on the door. “Ben,” she whispers. 

“Um, hi Mom,” Kylo says weakly, tightly gripping Rey’s hand. 

“Ben,” Leia says stronger this time. “Ben, what are you-?” her eyes are full of tears, and she’s reaching for him but he steps back just a little to be out of her reach. 

“We work together,” Rey explains, trying to fill the awkward space that resulted from him denying his mother from touching him. “I wanted to tell you over Thanksgiving, but I didn’t know how.” 

Leia holds onto the door handle for support and looks at Rey, “You brought him here?” Rey thinks for one second that she’s mad like Kylo said she would be, but then Leia says, “You brought him home, oh Rey!” and she embraces Rey the way she would have liked to embrace her son. She lets Rey go and quickly wipes her eyes.

Leia ushers them into the house, seeming to now to be incapable of words. Kylo takes off his coat, and hangs it on the tree by the door. Rey follows suit. Leia just watches them as if she can’t believe that it’s happening. Kylo turns from the tree and looks at her a little apprehensively. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Leia whispers to him. 

“I- Well, Rey- she thought it would be good if I- if we… talked.”

“I’m so glad to see you, Ben, and your father! He won’t believe. Come into the kitchen. Han!” she calls, and leads them into the kitchen, Rey pulling Kylo behind her as she follows. 

Han’s reaction to seeing Kylo is about the same as Leia’s. He’s disbelieving, and then he steps forward to hug him, which Kylo again blocks by some very unsubtle body language. Thankfully, only Han and Leia are home for dinner, so Kylo does not have to go through this twice more. 

“Let’s sit down,” Leia motions to the table. “So, how do you two know each other?”

Rey begins to talk, because Kylo seems incapable at this point. She knows she has to give him time to build himself up to talking. Just seeing his parents is enough for him right now. 

“We work together. Ky- I mean, Ben is the head of the finance department at First Order. We became friends, and then I saw his picture last time I was here. We talked a lot about it, and, well, here we are.”

“You didn’t know before?” Han asks. “That my son’s name is Ben Solo.”

“I don’t go by that anymore,” Kylo finally finds his voice. “I go by Kylo Ren. That’s why Rey didn’t know until she saw my picture.”

“By that point,” Rey adds, “I knew his first name used to be Ben, but I didn’t know his old last name.”

“You changed your name,” Leia says, and it’s not a question. It sounds like she’s just figured something out. “That’s why we couldn’t find you.”

Kylo looks at his lap, “I didn’t want you to find me.”

Leia is holding back tears again, “Why not Ben?”

Rey takes Kylo’s hand under the table, holding it tightly. His grip is just as strong as he takes a deep breath and begins to talk. 

“I got depressed in high school, really depressed. I used to feel like I was in this black tunnel, and something was making me move forward, but with each step it just got more dark and I felt more alone.” 

Leia presses her hands against her mouth, her eyes never leaving her son’s face. Han is holding onto the table with white-knuckled hands. They let Kylo continue. 

“I tried to kill myself a few times.”

Leia lets out a little squeak, tears now running down her face.

“I went to college, and it was even worse. I was trapped in this emptiness, this nothingness. I couldn’t feel anything but loneliness and self hatred. I didn’t think anyone wanted me anywhere near them. Peavy walked in on me trying to hang myself sophmore year. He helped me out, got me into therapy. My therapist suggested this help center. I started to feel less alone, less worthless. I had to remove myself from that person who had been in so much pain, so I cut out everyone from my life that reminded me of him and I changed my name.” Kylo finishes in one breath, then breaths quickly as if he’s just finished running. Rey squeezes his hand as he looks down into his lap.

Leia and Han are silent for a few moments, taking him in. Then Leia whispers, “Ben, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she sobbing now, pressing her hand into her eyes. 

“Ben,” Han says, his hands still desperately gripping the table. “I’m so sorry you felt so alone.”

There are a few more moments of silence as everyone tries to find the right thing to say. Leia is the next one to speak. 

“I’ve thought so much about you, Ben, about how much we put on you. We left you here by yourself so often. I always wanted to go back, to change it. To tell you how much I loved you, how much I wanted to be with you. I-” she’s overcome by sobs and has to stop talking. 

Rey is losing circulation in her hand because of how hard Kylo is holding it. She makes no move to change it though. She would give him anything if he needed it.

“We took you for granted,” Han takes over Leia’s idea. “I wish we would have known, Ben. It’s not your fault. It’s our fault; we should have seen how alone you were.”

“I wish I’d said something,” Ben says, finally meeting his father’s eyes. “I’ve thought so many times about what would have happened if I’d told you how much I hated it when you left, how I felt like you didn’t care, but I could never find the words.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Leia says. 

“We chose stupid things to spend our time on,” Han says. “We chose our jobs or our friends. We didn’t realize what we had until you stopped talking to us. Then we missed you so much, it hurt. It ripped us open. God, Ben, I’m so sorry.”

“Dad,” Kylo whispers, and he doesn’t say anymore because Han is crying and Rey has never seen him cry. Rey realizes tears are falling down her own face. 

“We’re so happy you’re here,” Leia reaches her hands across the table to him. “We can work through this. We can. We love you so much, Ben.” She leaves her hands there as she stares hopefully into his face. 

Kylo, after a few moments, reaches out with the hand that isn’t holding Rey’s, and takes his mothers. Leia starts to cry hard again once she has a hold of him, dropping her head onto the table. 

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long,” Ben says, mostly to Han. “I kept telling myself that I didn’t need to talk to you, that you were someone else’s family, but I met Rey and-” He must suddenly realize how tightly he’s holding onto her because he lets go of her hand and looks down at it. “Rey, my God, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

Rey laughs and waves her hand around, “I’m fine, Kylo. I’m fine.” She leans forward and presses her forehead against his shoulder. 

“You convinced him to come home?” Han asks Rey.

“Yes,” she replies, sitting up. “I found out about Kylo being Ben and about his past. I love you guys so much, I just couldn’t understand how- how this happened. I just wanted him to tell you, so that you would understand that he didn’t leave for no reason.”

Leia lifts her head from the table, “We made a lot of mistakes, Rey. We met you and we felt like we had a second chance to do good in someone’s life.” 

Han leans forward and sets his hand on top of Kylo’s on Leia’s. He smiles at his son, eyes still full of tears, “I’m so glad you’re home, son.”

They have a tearful dinner, though mostly they’re tears of happiness. Leia is unable or unwilling (probably both) to let go of Kylo’s hand once she has it and she moves to sit at the head of the table on his other side so that she can hang onto him. Kylo tells them more in depth about how he and Rey became close. Surprisingly due to how much they are touching each other throughout the meal, Leia and Han don’t realize that they’re  _ together  _ until Kylo tells them about kissing her in her apartment building lobby. 

“You’re dating?” Leia asks suddenly, her face brightening. 

Kylo smiles for the first time that evening and says, “Yes, she’s my girlfriend.”

Rey smiles and presses her forehead into his shoulder again. 

“Ah!” Leia shouts as Han beams at them. “Good thing I made chocolate cake!”

“Chocolate cake?” Kylo asks. 

“It’s almost like I knew you were coming,” Leia pats his hand. 

Kylo smiles for the second time. 

Leia and Han send them home with containers of food and make Kylo promise to come to Christmas with Rey. They seem to be not letting themselves believe he’ll return until Rey says, “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s there.” They look relieved. 

“How are you doing?” Rey asks Kylo as they drive home. 

“Good,” Kylo breathes. 

“That went a lot better than you thought it would.”

“Considering I thought it’d be fucking terrible, yeah, it was a lot better.”

“You were really great Kylo. You were so strong. I’m so proud of you,” Rey rubs his knuckles with her thumb. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you Rey. Thank you.”

Rey smiles and they’re quiet for a while.

“My mom wants to go to family therapy,” he tells her. 

“I think that’s a great idea.”

“Yeah, me too.”

* * *

“Today’s the day!” Rey has just come out of Kylo’s bedroom wearing only her underwear and an old t-shirt of his. Her hair is messy from sleep, but Kylo thinks she’s never looked cuter. 

“Today’s the day,” he repeats, and kisses her lightly. 

If she wants to be excited about telling her friends that she’s dating their asshole coworker, he’s not going to rain on her parade. They’ve decided this is perfect timing. Rey can tell Rose, Finn, and Poe, and everyone can go crazy about it over the holiday, and hopefully it’ll be old news by the time they’re back. Plus, with all the gossip, hopefully most people won’t even be that surprised. 

“You’re not serious,” Rose says, her eyebrows raised higher than Rey thought was humanly possible. 

“I am serious,” Rey insists. 

Poe and Finn are speechless. 

“Dating,” Rose says. “Dating. Kylo. Ren.”

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend.”

“You can’t be serious,” Rose maintains. 

Rey sighs, “I am serious. I love him.”

“You love him?” Poe asks, breaking out of his stupor. “How long have you been together?”

“Just a few weeks,” Rey says. “But we’re like, perfect for each other.”

“But Rey,” Finn joins in, “You’re a nice person and he’s- he’s-”

“An utter wanker?” Rey suggests.

“Exactly.”

“He’s really not. Look, guys, I know he’s been kind of a dick, but you don’t know him like I do. He’s been in a better mood recently, and you’ll soon see that he’s actually a really nice guy.”

“You’re serious?” Rose asks, and Rey decides to consider this an improvement. 

“I’m serious,” she presses. 

They all look like she’s just told them she’s decided to take down the Russian government. Finally Rose speaks, “You’re my friend, Rey, and if he makes you happy, then I will… give him a second chance.”

Rey smiles brightly at her, and places her hand over Rose’s, “Thank you, Rose, and you’ll see, he’s perfect. He’s perfect for me.”


End file.
